My Immortal Prep Version
by FallenHero93
Summary: We all know the infamous my Immortal, don't we? Goffs, blood and vampires...but what about another point of view? Join Amelle Isabella Rose Britney Timberlake, the orange-tanned pink-lover preppy girl  who's also a fairy and witch  on her way to success!
1. Chapter 1

**Before the read, my dear preps, here's a list of all the characters and items and their goffick version counterpart, so that you don't forget who's who (or what's what) as you read:**

**Goffs - Preps  
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**Ebony/Evony/Ebondy/Egogy etc - **Amelle Isabella Rose Britney Timberlake**  
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**Draco - still called Draco**

**Vampire Potter - Fairy Potter**

**Raven - Princess**

**Willow - Dandelion**

**Hermione/B'loody Mary Smith - Glittery Katy Perry**

**Navel/Dracola - Mermaid**

**Ron/Diabolo - Snow White**

**Ginny/Jenny/Darkness - Goldilocks**

**Vampires - Fairies**

**Blood - Tequila**

**Britney (the prep that appears in several episodes) - Ebony (**the goff that appears in several episodes**)  
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**Count Chocula cereal - Rebecca Black cereal (geddit)**

**Singers/bands such as MCR, GC, Marilyn Manson, Slipknot, Amy Lee - Singers/bands such as Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black**

**White palid face - Orange tanned face**

**Black - Pink**

**Enemies such as preps or posers - Enemies such as goffs or nerds  
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**Now go read the story!  
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**Chapter 1.**

AN: Special thanks 2 my bff Princess 4 helping me with the story and spelling. You rule! Justin Bieber, you're the love of my life! You rule too! Jonas Brothers rule!

Hi, my name is Amelle Isabella Rose Britney Timberlake and I have short blonde hair with blue streaks that reaches my shoulders and hazel eyes and a lot of people tell me I look like Britney Spears (if you don't know who she is get outta here!). I'm not related to Justin Timberlake but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. I'm a fairy. I have orange tanned skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in…ahm, somewhere around Europe. I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). I'm a prep (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly pink. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a pink corset with matching silk around it and a pink velvet miniskirt, pink fishnets and high heels. I was wearing deep red lipstick, orange foundation, pink eyeliner and blue eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was sunny, so there was no rain or snow, which I was very happy about. A lot of goths stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

"Hey Britney!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks 2 glossylips123 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW goffs stop flaming ma story ok!

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was sunny again. I opened the door of my classy wardrobe and drank some tequila from a bottle I had. My wardrobe was pink glittery and inside it was hot pink velvet with red lace on the ends. I got out of my wardrobe and took of my giant Justin Bieber t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a pink leather dress, a huge shell necklace, tall boots and pink fishnets on. I put on four bracelets on my left hand, and put my hair in a kind of messy hairstyle I once saw Britney wearing.

My friend, Dandelion (AN: Princess dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length golden blonde hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Miley Cyrus t-shirt with a pink mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (pink lipstick orange foundation and pink eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Gryffindor common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Jonas Brothers are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love Jonas Brothers. They are my favorite singers, beside Justin Bieber.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY GOFFS OK! odderwize thx 2 da preppy ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN PRINCESS! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Jonas Brothers.

On the night of the concert I put on my pink lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a pink leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all curly. I felt extremely happy then, so I listened to my favourite Miley Cyrus song. I read the IKEA catalogue while I waited for it to stop and I then I listened to Justin Bieber. I painted my nails pink and put on TONS of pink eyeliner. Then I put on some pink lipstick. I didn't put on orange foundation because I was tanned anyway. I drank some tequila so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. He was wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt (he would play at the show too), short pink flowery pants, pink nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

"Hi Britney" he said back. We walked into his flying pink Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 123) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Justin Bieber and Britney Spears. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Jonas Brothers.

" Tried to turn on my TV to get you out of my head  
>Feeling something deep inside that I just won't admit<br>It's not like I don't wanna commit (wanna commit)  
>I just don't now why I can't stop feeling like this" they sang (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).<p>

"Joe is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we danced to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joe and he's going out with Taylor fucking Swift. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Kevin and Joe for their autographs and photos with them. We got Jonas Brothers concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, I didn't have too many changes to make in dis chapta. Hope the next one will be more productive.**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok britney's name is BRITTANY nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok!

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Britney?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his preppy blue eyes (he was wearing color contacts) which revealed so much happiness and glamour and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then… suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my tanned body became all warm. And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was….Dumbledore!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a goff or a nerd! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry crocodile tears down my tanned face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Britney?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut pink floor-length dress with red lace all around it and pink high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'Baby' by Justin Bieber. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

**The image of Draco Malfoy singing "Baby" is mindblowing...**


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up goffs ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!

The next day I woke up in my wardrobe. I put on a pink miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red flowers all over it and high heeled boots that were pink. I put on two huge bracelets, and two fluffy glittery pink earrings in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Rebecca Black cereal with tequila instead of milk, and a glass of tequila. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the tequila spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the tanned orange face of a preppy boy with curly pink hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing pink lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing blue contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Justin Timberlake. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Fairy these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I sparkle." he giggled.

"Well, I am a fairy." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Gimme More **(AN:****Totally**** matches ****the**** chapter!)**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Britny isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A FAIRY! n she has problemz shes too happy 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our tanned orange hands with pink nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red fairy wings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). I waved to Fairy. Sparkly excitement was in his happy eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my pink leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?)

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a pink heart with an arrow through it. On it in glittery Comic Sans writing were the words… Fairy!

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Fairy's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"FAIRY POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a goff!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Britney, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly.

My friend Glittery Katy Perry smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic pink hair and opened her silver eyes like tequila that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had tanned orange skin that she was wearing orange makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are fairies and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father moved to another country because he was happy about it. She still has dreams about it and she is very sparkly and glamorous. It also turns out her real last name is Perry and not Granger. (Since she has converted to fairism she is in Hufflepuff now not Griffindoor. )

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Fairy, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Britney was so mad at me. I had went out with Fairy (I'm bi and so is Britney) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Ebony, a stupid goffik fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through a bad heartbreak, and now he was preppy. (Haha, like I would hang out with a goff.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Fairy.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

**Ebony**** cameo**** appearance ****FTW!**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes a gnome and fairy is a fairy! JUSTIN BIEBER ROX!

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco.

Then all of a suddenly, a disgusting man with pink eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all pink but it was obvious he wasn't preppy. It was… Voldemort!

"No!" I screamed in a girly voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I don't care about others so I stopped.

"Britney." he yelled. "Thou must kill Fairy Potter!"

I thought about Fairy and his sexah eyes and his preppy pink hair and how his face looks just like Justin Timberlake. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Fairy before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a hair dryer. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Fairy, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and terrified I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods.

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all happy. He was wearing pink foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a shell (geddit) between Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all glittery and we went back into Hogwarts together making out.


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out glittery katy isn't a muggle afert al n she n fairy r sparkly datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even happy went to rehearsals with my prep pop band Glittery Preppy Dandelion 123. I am the lead singer of it and I play piano. People say that we sound like a cross between Jonas Brothers, Lady Gaga and Rebecca Black. The other people in the band are Glittery Katy, Fairy, Draco, Ron (although we call him Snow White now. He has pink hair now with white streaks in it.) and Hargrid. Only today Draco and Fairy were excited so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably drinking tequila (he wouldn't die because he was a fairy too and the only way you can kill a fairy is with a stone or by cutting its wings) and Fairy was probably watching an action movie like Bambi. I put on a pink leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Justin Timberlake on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Barbie Girl' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into laughter.

"Britney! Are you OK?" Glittery Katy asked in a concerted voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall.<p>

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking goffik muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all crocodile tears. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Britney Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by drinking tequila."


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up goffz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw thx 2 ma bff princess 4 hleping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! Glittery Katy tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying crocodile tears and then I drank lots of tequila. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath happily while I put on a Justin Bieber song at full volume. I grabbed a physics book and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking saaaad! I got out of the bathtub and put on a pink low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on pink high heels with pink velvet stuff on the ends and six pairs of diamond earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a pink towel with a picture of Joe Jonas on it. Suddenly Fairy ran in.

"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. I took my hair dryer and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Britney, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A FAIRY!"

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as tequila dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I giggled happily.

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it felt when I heard Justin Bieber is dating Selena Gomez.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said excitedly while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to kiss him and drink his tequila because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a preppy version of a song by Marilyn Manson.

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!"

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**

**1. "while I put on a Justin Bieber song at full volume" – Just imagine the walls of Hogwarts shaking from Britney's CD player and "Baby, baby, baby, oooh" being heard in the whole school perimeter...It's insane!**

**2. "I grabbed a physics book and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide" – I think any real book would kill Britney, so I guessed a physics one would be even more effective.**

**3.****But**** the**** best ****of ****the ****best...FAIRY**** HARGRID!  
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	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant a gnome plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!

I was about to drink tequila again from the silver glass that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Fairy. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his blue whites.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Snow White changed it into a shell for me and I always cover it up with orange foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my hangover. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of black roses.

"Brittany I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color black anyway, and I don't like fucked up goffs like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being a prep.

"No Brittany." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they preps too you poser goff?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me black roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the black roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with a happy look in his eye and muttered Creation Shows me what to Do I'm dancing on the flooR WITH YOU!

"That's not a spell that's a Miley Cyrus song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday(4 all u cool preppy Rebecca Black fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for princess I love you girl!)imo happyo ando glamourouso!"

And then the roses turned into a huge pink flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was pink. Now I knew he wasn't a goth.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?"

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Britttttany," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a pink leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on pink fishnets and pink high-heeled boots with pictures of Britney Spears on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Snooki (if u don't know who she iz ur a goth so fuk off!) and I put on tequila-silver lipstick, pink eyeliner and pink lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." Glittery Katy said happily. "Thx you do too." I said happily too, but I was still excited. I poured myself two shots of tequila feeling totally like partying and I sucked all the liquid. I laughed again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Fairy was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. He looked all joyful because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was stealing some tequila from a Hufflepuff.

"Hi." he said in a merry way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually elated way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful blue preppy eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other.

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Fairy you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away overjoyed.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his blue whites.

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Snow White changed it into a shell for me and I always cover it up with orange foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"

SPECIAL THX 2 PRINCESS MY PREP TEQUILA SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY PRINCESS DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I


	13. Chapter 13

AN: princess fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of justin bieber but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! GOFFS STOP FLAMIGNG!

Fairy and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily.

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in a silly voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Britney." he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Fairy started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to drink some tequila. Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then… suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra!"  
>It was….. Voldemort!<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Princess thx 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz overjoyd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I drnk t\quila. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there drinking lots of tequila. Snaketail was forcing him to. Fairy and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable goths!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the hair dryer he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Brittany I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. I started laughing my eyes out. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." I said angrily. Then I took away all his bottles of tequila. Blood pored out of his heart like a fountain.<p>

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into laughter happily.

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then… he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Fairy went away. There I started smiling.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and goffs here except for Glittery Katy, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the goffs anyway. They are such fucking sluts." answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Fairy likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't the Fairy Godmother have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory brittany isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! thx 2 princess 4 hlpein!

"Britney Britney!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Fairy!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my pink door with my tequila-silver key. It had a picture of Justin Bieber on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Fairy. I started to laugh and smile. I took a crystal glass and started to pour myself some tequila. I drank the tequila all happily. Then I looked at my pink Britney Spears watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

I put on a short ripped pink preppy dress that said Unicorns on the front in tequila-silver letters and was all ripped and a belt with Swarowski crystals. Under that I put on ripped pink fishnets and boots that said Justin all over them with tequila-silver letters. I put my golden blonde hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all happy and excited as usual. I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a tequila bottle into a pink unicorn. Suddenly the unicorn turned to Draco!

"Brittany I love you!" he shouted joyfully. "I dnot care what those fucker goffs and nerds fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to drink tequila all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing "Friday" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Rebecca Black was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and preppy and sexxy like a cross between Joe Jonas, Justin Timberlake, Justin Bieber, Adam Lambert and Rick Astley (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking goffs stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in pink nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Taylor Swift (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and Taylor Lautner in Valentine's Day. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that Jonas Brothers would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

**Random Rick Astley appearance win! **


	16. Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut goffs! princess u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Princess wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW thx 2 snooki5655 4 techin muh japnese!

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where Jonas Brothers had played. We ran in happly. Jonas Brothers were there playing 'Tell me why'. I was so fucking happy! Joe looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a pink leather minidress and pink leather platinum boots with golden ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a pink baggy Justin Bieber t-shirt and pink leather pants. Anyway, we stated dancing to Tell me why. We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Joe pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,….. Volsemort and da Death Dealers!

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its Jonas Brothers n u no how much I lik them"

"What cause we…you know…" he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what.

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an happier voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a goff or a gnome or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a goff or what?" I shootd angrily.

"Brittany! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Party in the USA' by Miley Cyrus to me.

I was flattened cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

Glittery Katy was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Dandelion that fucking nerd got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: PRINCESS U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!)

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all excited. We wutsched some preppy movies like Never Say Never. "Maybe Dandelion will die too." I said.

"Kawai." Glittery Katy shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a weirdo."

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with jonas brothers." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

Glittery Katy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

'WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "Glittery katy are u a GOFF?"

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool preppy stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Snow White or Fairy(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me.

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few prep stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real preps."

"Da real preps?" Me and Glittery Katy asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many nerds ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a preppy camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I laughed, running out of the changing room wearing a long pink dress with lots of blue tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my fairy you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said Glittery katy.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's amelie isabella rose britney timberlake what's yours?"

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his pink-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his pink broom looking worried. "OMFG BRITTTTANY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a goff den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a goff or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rule. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz dandelio isn't rely a goff. Princess plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted excitedly. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Dandelion came. Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered jealously cause Dandelion's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short pink corset-thingy with tequila-silver lace on it and a pink tequila-silver miniskirt, leather fish-nets and pink poiny boots that showed off how tanned she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Snow White." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Snow White came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Snow White was wearing a pink t-shirt that said '123' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Snooki. Draco was wearing pink leather pants, a preppy pink Britney Spears t-shirt and pink Vans he got from da Warped tower. Glittery Katy was going 2 da concert wif Mermaid. Mermaid used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were fairys. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to fairism and he went prep. He was in Hufflepuff now. He was wearing a pink Wurped t-shirt, pink jeans and shoes and pink hair wif purple streekz in it. We kall him Mermaid now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's pink Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer prppy) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking goffs. We soon got there….I gapsed.

Joe was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long golden blue hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We danced 2 Friday and sum odder songz. Sudenly Joe polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Joe at all! It was an ugly goffik man wif no nose and pink eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Brittany, I told u to kill Fairy. Thou have failed. And now….I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his physics book.

Sudenly a preppy old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung pink hair and a looong pink bread. He wus werring a pink robe dat sed 'justin bieber' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…DUMBLYDORE!


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken goff! thx 2 princess 4 da help n stuf. u rule! n ur nut a goff. thx for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be prepy so der!

I woke up the next day in my wardrobe. I walked out of it and put on some pink eyeliner, pink eyesharrow, tequila-silver lipstick and a pink really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a shell belly ring with pink and blue diamonds inside it.

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the shell (geddit shell koz im preppy n I like the sea and mermaidz). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was pink and the broom-stuff was tequila-silver. There was lace all over it. Draco had a pink Rebecca Black boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Justin Bieber song.)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted pink and da tables were pink too. But you fould see that there was black pant underneath the pink pant. And there were pastors of goffick bands everywhere, like My Chemical Romance and Good Charlotte.

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to Glittery Katy and Dandelion. Glittery Katy was wearing a pink leather mini with a Miley Cyrus t-shirt, pink fishnets and pink pointy boots. Dandelion was wearing a long preppy pink dress with tequila silver writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and pink boots and fishnets. Fairy, Mermaid and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake or Joe Jonas. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a preppy old man with a pink beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal white skin but he was wearing orange foundation and he had died his hare pink.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the nerd table in Slitherin started to cheer. Well we preps just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a nerd he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a fucking nerd!" Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Fairy looked really jealous. I could see him drinking tequila in a justified way (geddit, justified lik Justin Timberlake) but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Dandelion shouted.

I was so fucking angry.


	19. Chapter 19

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken goff n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW brtinnay a poorblod so der!1 thx 2 princess 4m da help!11

All day we sat happily finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da Jonas Brothers concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.

Anyway, I went to the common room excitedly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive.

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all crocodile tears (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).

"No one fucking wants to give me tequila!1" he shouted angrily as his pink hare went in his big blue eyes like Justin Bieber in all his music videos. He was wearing pink baggy paints, a pink Lady Gaga t-shirt and a pink tie. I was wearing a pink leather low cut top with diamonds all over it all over it a pink leather mini, pink high held boots and a flower belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly haristyke like Miley Cyrus in Who Owns My Hart. (email me if u wana see da pik)

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled.

"Buy-but-but-" he whined.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring crocodile tears. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my purple eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Snooki in Jersey Shore (princess that is soo our show!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted happily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his pink wanabe-preppy purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of preps and celebs were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."


	20. Chapter 20

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok goffs!1 thx 2 princess 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a pink ledder mini, a pink corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an pink gothic compact boots. Jonas Brothers were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. I drank tequila while I danced 2 Jonas Brothers in my wardrobe all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum pink clothes and dancing to Baby. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

"No, actshelly (geddit, shell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away.

Well anyway, I put on some pink eyesharow, pink eyeliner, and some pink lipstick and orange foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away laughing. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking goffs. (btw snake is movd 2 slitherin now)

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my pink camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to pinkmail u." (geddit, cuz I'm preppy)I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Fairy, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." Fairy said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a pink car. He said his dogfather Serious Pink (geddit again, cuz I'm a prep) had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed BIEBER123 on it. The one on da back said 'BRITTANY' on it.

….I gasped.

We flew to the concert hall. Jonas Brothers were there, playing.

Fairy and I began 2 make out, dancing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. Joe was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing a cover of 'Friday' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin crocodile tears in a corner.

**AN. I can't believe the jokes I made! Britney pinkmailing Snap & Loopin and, of course, Sirius Pink! The truth is, I'm sick of having to manually replace every single "black" with "pink" so I just used the Replace command in Word. And when I scrolled down to the respective paragraph, I saw that I'd actually got the word "pinkmail" and thought it was hilarious!**

**Not to mention I can actually imagine Fairy (not Harry)** **Potter having a car with "BIEBER123" on the license plate…**


	21. Chapter 21

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich princesz cuz it fok u goffs!1 woopz soz princess thx 4 da help. btw transilvana rules hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

Later we all went in the shell. Draco was laughing in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a preppy voice.

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a weird way. I stated to smile cuz I was thought he would start to drink tequila.

"Its ok Brittany." said Fairy comfortly. "Ill make him feel better."

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" I shouted happily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Fairy came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of crocodile came down his orange tanned face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi orange tanned guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Fairy got out his pink invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting like a madman with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you goffik little nerd sun of a fukcing bich!" Fairy said under his breast in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Fairy frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco smiling n bustin in2 laughter and drinking vodka outside of da school.

"Draco!" I said. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco said. We went back to our wardrobes frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Never Say Never (c isnt da deprezzin) on the preppy pink bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1

**AN. 1. Vodka cameo appearance! No more tequila for a moment, lol.**

**2. "Never Say Never" – Depressing Movie of the Year Award**


	22. Chapter 22

AN: stfu! goffs stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz princess's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding princess u fokieng rule goffs suk!1

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my wardrobe so I opened the door. I was wearing pink lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where…. Glittery Katy, Fairy, Snow White, Draco, Mermaid and Dandelion!

I opened my hazel eyes. Dandelion was wearing a tight pink leather top with pictures of ponies all over it. Under that she wart a pink poofy skirt wit lace on it and pink preppy boots that was attached to the top. Fairy was wearing a baggy Justin Timberlake t-shirt and baggy pink pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a pink Miley Cyrus t-shirt and pink jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Joe Jonas, and almost as fucking sexy. Fairy looked like Justin Bieber. Glittery Katy was wearing a tight pink poofy preppy dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and Jonas Brothers lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Britney Spears wear once. Goldilocks (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped preppy pink dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and pink pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Goldilocks, Snow White, Crab and Goyle's dad was a fairy. He committed suicide by drinking tequila from a barrel. He had given them all his money and stuff before too. They all got so happy that they became fairies and converted to Farism.

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Brittany something is really fucked up." Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily.

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective."

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some pink eyeliner, pink lipstick and blue eyeshadow and orange foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking goff called Ebony from Slitherin was standing next to us. She was wearing a black mini and an MCR t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Amelle Isabella Rose Britney Timberlake."

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Goldilocks, Dandelion, Fairy and Glittery Katy looked at each other…I gasped.

**AN: Yet another Ebony cameo appearance! I just love writing this!**


	23. Chapter 23

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 thx 2 princess 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rule letz go shopin 2getha!

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.

"MR. TIMBERLAKE WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. "She means hi everybody cum in!"

Well we all came in happily. So did all the other students. I sat between Goldilocks and Draco and opposite Glittery Katy. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some dirty jokes. They both looked exactly like Robert Pattinson. I eight some Rebecca Black cereal and drank som tequila from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Fairy! He and Draco were shooting at eachother.

"Fairy, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Fairy. "I want to shit next to her!1"

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Fairy. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with pink eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a green robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Ebony that fucking goff started to cry. Fairy and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent….Volzemort!

"Brilney…..Britney…." Darth Valer sed evilly in his nasty voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Fairy as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into laughter. Draco and Fairy came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and preppy. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco drank tequila in a joyful way.

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.

"Britney Britney aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice.

"Yeah yeah." I said annoyed as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Brittany." said Fairy all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted like a girl. Crocodile tearz went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!"

"Its ok gurl." said Glittery Katy. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Glamorous about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." I said excitedly and den we went.

**AN: Ebony again? Can't believe it!**


	24. Chapter 24

AN: goffz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 princess fagz 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Glamorous in Japanese. She smelled at me with her preppy pink lipstick. She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long alive pink hair with tequila silver tips and golden eyes. (hr mom woz a fairy. She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n glittery kty get along grate) She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a pink leather top with blue lace and a long preppy pink ripped dress. We went inside the pink classroom with pastors of the Jersey Shore cast. I raced my hand. I was wearing some pink naie Polish with red shells on it.

"What is it Britney?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?"

"Yeah." I answered. All the goffs who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. I gave them the middle finger. "Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Evony." she pointed at Enoby and sum other goffs. "Please do exercize (geddit, it keeps you in shape) 1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a relaxed voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.

Well she gave me a pink cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a pink preppy shell and a shell."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a pink leather facet, a pink preppy Justin Timberlake t-shirt and pink Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Glamorous.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

I went to Draco and Fairy was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.

**AN: Now a subtle hint at Ebony's multiple names. Geddit?**


	25. Chapter 25

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin Bieber 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 princess thx for de help!1

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. We went outside and then we went into Draco's pink car.

"Britney what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his preppy orange hand with plink nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, and gave it to me to spork. He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some Rick Astley.

" We're no strangers to love  
>You know the rules and so do I<br>A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
>You wouldn't get this from any other guy." sang Rick's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves fevently. He took of my pink thong and my pink leather bar. I took of his pink boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.<p>

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly… I fell asleep. I started having a dream. In it a pink guy was shooting two preppy men with long pink hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept drinking their tequila. He ran away in a red car.

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Britney what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my hazel eyes.

I started to cry and tears of crocodile went down my face. I told Draco to call Fairy. He did it with his pink Justin Bieber mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111

**AN: Rick Rolled in a fanfiction! Priceless…**


	26. Chapter 26

AN: GOFFZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng goff! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11

A few mutates later Fairy came 2 da tree. He was wearing a pink leather jackson, pink leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Fairy." I said flirtily as I started to sob. Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of tequila and then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" Fairy shouted angrily. He4 started to laugh happily. "What fucking dick did that!"

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped sum fake tears from his orange face. "Brittany had a vision in a dreem."

Dubleodre started to cockle. "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Britney's not divisional?"

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). "U know very well that I'm not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!"

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Fairy and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Fairy went to drink tequila in his room. We looked at each other's preppy, excited eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Glamorous was behind them!1


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27. fairiez wil never hurt u

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u goffz fink abot me!1111 so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 thx 2 princess 4 ur luv n sport n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly excitd n I drnk muh teqila I had 2 go 2 da hospital rprincess u rule gurl!11111111111111111111

Every1 in the room stated to laugh happly- I had saved them. Drako, Lucian, Serious bond Fairy all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Brittany." said Proffesor Sinatra. She was wearing a preppy pink leader dress with a corset top and real preppy tequila on it and fuking pink platinum boots. "I have to tell you the fucking perdition."

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Fairy. They nodded.

I smelled happily and went into a lit room. I had changed Profesor Glamorous took out some pink cards. She started to look into a pink crucible ball. She said… "Britney, I see ligth times are near." She said happily. She peered into da balls. "You see, you must go back in time." She took out a Time-Toner like Glittery Katy had. "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" I shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. You can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did lifez tuch sin. I went outside again happily.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Fairy.

"Yeah what happened?" asked Goldilocks, Dandelion and Glitery Katy?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. They were cheesing my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking goffz were there oviously tring 2 be b preppy wering the HER **(geddit, ****instead**** of ****HIM,**** the ****band)**sign on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of her. Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A pink and green cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of shells from Wesley's Whizard Wises.

I put on my Invisibility coke with Fairy and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether.


	28. Chapter 28

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! thx 2 fily 4 da help!1! princess hav fun wif kiwi!1111111

We went in2 a pink room. The wallz were pink with portraits of preppy singers lik Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber and Britney Spears all over them. A big pink wardrobe was in the middle. Indigo vevlet lined da pink box. There were three chairs made of bottles with real shellz in dem. I wuz wearing a pink corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a pink leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Fairy.

"Are you okay?" Fair asked potting his albastard hand on mine. He was wearing pink nail polish. I was wearing pink nail polish with blue-green-reddish flowers on it.

"Yah I guess." I said joyfully. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled excitedly with my pink lipstick. "The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to laugh happily. Fairy hugged him.

"Itz okay Brintany." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Fairy looked at us longingly.

Then… I took off Draco's Justin Timberlake shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. He had replaced the Fairy tattoo that said Brittany on it. Pink dandelions were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Justin Bieber. Fairy took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the wardrobe. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

"I love you Brintany. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Fairy filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111


	29. Chapter 29

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur goffz so fok u!1111 princess u rule gurl thx 4 da help BRITNEY RULES 123!111111111111

"Oh my fairy!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da wardrobe. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily.

"CUM NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the fuck!111" Fairy shooted angrily.

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his preppy blue eyes. "Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. So give back da camera!1111"

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum into a funny room with orange stones all around it. There were all these funny tools in it. Draco started to laugh all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as justin bieber ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rule mary me!111).

I started to cry tearz of tequila (it hapnz in jersey shore princess sed so ok so fok u!1). Fairy took out a pink honkerchief and started to wipe my hazel eyes.

And then….. he and Snoop both took out hair dryers using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the hot air gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

"Crosio!" I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da hair dryer. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of hot air. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Fairy started to laugh.

"It's ok Brittany." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111


	30. Chapter 30

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U!111 if u flam u wil be a goff so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz nerdz basically suk. thx 2 princess u rule bich!111

"Yes!11" we screamed happily. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted excitedly. Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

He waved his wand and a hair comb came. He gave da comb 2 me.

"U must stab Fairy." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1"

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his innocent preppy blue eyes dat looked so exciting and sexy. He lookd exactly like a shell (lol geddit koz im a fairy) between Justin Bieber and Kevin Jonas. But then I looked at Fairy and he looked so smexy too wif his preppy pink hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost drank tequila to death and Fairy wuz so sportive.

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Fairy. Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my fairy powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Fairy so they would destruct Snape.

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Fairy yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him….

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop laughed and started running around da room laghing. Meanwhile I grabed my pink mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came.

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Britney let's go."


	31. Chapter 31

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin britney a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 thx 2 muh bff princess 4 di help!1111

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (miley rules!111)." Serious said 2 Snape.

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed.

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some pink Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily. Then Luscious took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Glamorous and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Fairy and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Profesor Trevolry took me to a lit room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. Moving posters of Jonas Brothers and Lady Gaga were all over. Glittery Katy, Goldilocks and Dandelion came too. Glittery Katy gave me a pink bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry.

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut pink leather preppy dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on pink fishnetz and pink pointy boots Dandelion had chosen. Dandelion and Goldilocks helped me put on pink eyeliner and tequila-silver lipshtick.

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." Glittery Katy said.

"Thx." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." said Proffesor Glamorous. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a pink hair dryer. I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Hannah Montana. Then she gave me a pink time-tuner. "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and Glittery Katy put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. Goldlocks and Dandelion gave me life's touch sin. Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest preppy guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long pink hair, kinda like Taylor Lautner only pink. He had gren eyes like Miley Cyrus and orange tanned skin. He wuz wearing a pink ripped up suit wif Vans. It was….Tom Bombodil!1111

**AN: I don't know what a "quiephs" is, so I just left it like that. Looks Egyptian, though...By the way, I don't know if Miley does actshelly (geddit) have green eyes. Oh, and I only mention Lady Gaga in here for the fun of it. I actually like her music.**


	32. Chapter 32

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Brittany Timberlake da new student." I shok my tanned handz wif their pink noil polish wif him.

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Fairy. Datz ma middle nam"

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Fairy said. I followed him. "Hey Fairy…..do u happen to be a fan of Justin Timberlake?" (sinz jonas brothers and britney spears dont exist yet den) I asked.

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Fairy gasped. "actually I like justin bieber a lot too."(geddit coz justin bieber did that song baby that's ounded really 80s)

"omg me too!" I replied happily.

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." fairy whispered.

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." he told me all sekrtivly. "and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"

'topic!" I finshed, happy again.

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned.

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted.

"uh-huh." he looked at his pink nails. "im in gryffindor'"

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED.

"u go to this shell?"(geddit cos im preppy) he asked.

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili.

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short black hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID PREPS!"

fairy rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us preps and celebs just becose we're in griffindore and we're not goffs."

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord."

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly.

then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."

"hey where r u goin?" fairy asked as I fell.

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all preppy.

Glamorous came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf brittany what da hell r u doing?"

:"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that."

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a prep so its ok.

professor glamros looked joyful. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." she started to cry pink tears of happiness. dumblydum didn't know about them.

"hey r u crying tears of tequila?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.

professor glamrus started laughing again in her chair, sobbing crocodile tears. "omfg brittany…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum."

AN: SEE U FOKKING GOFFZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112

**AN: Tom Bom…uhm, I mean Lord Voldemort also likes Justin Bieber! A new dimension of evil revealed!**


	33. Chapter 33

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a goff so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 thx princess 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted excitedly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?"

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Brintany, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson 4 sum help?"

"Sure I said happily. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big pink Justin Bieber tshit which wuz his panamas.

"Hey Sexxy." I said.

"How'd it go Brittany?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Justin Timberlake when hes talking.

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

"How far did u go wif Fairy?" Drako asked jealously.

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked.

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily.

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt happy 4 shooting at him. I didn't say sorry. We frenched.

"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled.

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 Serious waz pokering dem by staging dem wif a pink hair comb.

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 drink his tequila. I laffed statistically. I tok some photons of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway hair combs rule haz any1 seen justin bieber's movie lolz). We took sum of Snipe's tequila den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my preppy pink wardrobe. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a pink leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Miley Cyrus haz in Hannah Montana. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some pink platform high heelz. Darko put on 'I like it rough' by Lady Gaga. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Jersey Shore. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy.

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

"I luv u TaBritney." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.

**AN: Perfect song by Lady Gaga, really sets the mood for these two, lol!**


	34. Chapter 34

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP GOFFZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just goffz nd nerdz so FUK U!111 thx 2 princess 4 da help!1

I wook up in da wardrobe de next day. Draco waz gone. I got up and put on a pink tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz orange korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped pink fishnets and pink stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…. Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it.

"Hi Vritney." he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Glamrous's office."

"Ok." I said in a happy voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to Jonas Brothers or Britney Spears. I came anyway.

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily.

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. "They r in Abkhazian now, lol."

I laughed excitedly.

"Where r Draco and Fairy?" I muttered.

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." Sodomize moaned sexily. "Rite now they are watching Hannah Montana."

We went into da office. Proffesor Glamorous was there. She was wearing a preppy pink dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Miley Cyrus wears in this pic

( http/ She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

"Brittany, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said happily. "Good luck. Thx!"

And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Rebecca Black cereal. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Fairy. On a table was a tall preppy man wif long pink hair, orange skin and blue eyes wering a suit and pink Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Joe Jonas. I noticed…he was drinking a portent.

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." Fairy said. "He's da Portents teacher…..Britney?"

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Justin Bieber is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing Never Say Never at da movies b4 dat."

"Yah?"

"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?"


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35. unicorn of u

AN: thx 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rule! fuk of goffz!11111111 thx 2 princess 4 di help u rule gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny preppy namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 thx.

I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Fairy. Suddenly I gasped…..Draco wuz there!111

I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring pink ledder pants, a pink unicorns t-shrit and pink eyeliner.

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped.

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms.

"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Britney the new student lol we shook handz."

"Yah Fairy told me abot you." Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy prepppy guyz. They where siting in a corner drinking. It wuz Serious, Fairy's dad and…Snap! All of them were wearing pink eyeliner and pink Jonas Brothers band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a prep band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Justin Bieber show as back-up.

"ORLY." I ESKED.

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XPinkXUnicornX. I play teh gutter. Spartacus plays da drums" he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Snooki, after Snookie in Jersey Shore."

"Hey bastards." I told them they gave me Lifez tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn smiling.

"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by drinking tons of tequila."

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking happy!1" I gasped.

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Snooki said.

"Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself."

"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffick!111

"Yeah were called Glittery Preppy Dandelion 123. Do u wanna hr me sing?"

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Justin Bieber.

" And I was like baby, baby, baby, ohh/Like baby, baby, baby noo/Like baby, baby, baby ohhI thought you'll always be mine, mine." I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.

"Britngey? Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Snooki, Serious and Snap.

"Um….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?"

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1 He was wering a pink bnad tshrit and pink bagy jeans.

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Brittany." he said siriusly Den….he took out a pink tim machine. I went in2 it and…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111

**AN: Lucius, Sirius, Snape and James' band is called Pink Unicorn! So manly! And I just loved calling James "Snooki"...that bully deserved it! Too bad it's just a fanfic...**


	36. Chapter 36

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A GOFF!1 o ya nd thx 2 princess 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

I loked around in a joyful way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Glamorous. Glitry Katy, Socrates and Draco, Fairy and Dandelion were their to.

"OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Snooki and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b preppy!111111"

"Yah I no." Serious said excitedly.

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in a high voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

Hi fuker." I said. "Lizzen, Fairy asked me out to a preppy cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I'm playng in a preppy band so I need an ootfit for that too."

"Oh my fairy!1" (geddit lolz koz shes preppy) gasped Glitry Katy. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"

"OMFS, letz have a groop drinking game!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Dandelion.

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Brittany." Darko said resultantly.

"Well we have potions klass now." Dandelion said so let's go.

We went sexily to Potionz class. But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck!11111

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted happily.

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. "Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked excitedly.

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be preppy!1" Fairy asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111"

He stomped out joyfully.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some tequila mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.

"WTF is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly…"HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted.

I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of tequila!11 Darko and Fairy started 2 beat him up sexily.

"God u r such a nerd!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da tequila. It was…Amnesia Portion!111


	37. Chapter 37

AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. thx!1 oh yah nd goffz stop flaming sa story!11 princess thx 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL

Fairy and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.

"Oh mi fucking fairy!11" Brittany said. She wuz so hot. "Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Fairy foll in love wif me faster!1"

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata," said Fairy. "Why would u need it?"

"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Brittany.

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly.

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Egogy, a fucking goff.

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Dandelion.

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."

Draco, Britaby and I went to Profesor Glamuros's room. But Profesor Glamorous wasn't there. Instead Tom Rid was.

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a preppy pink leather miniskirt that said '123' on da bak, pink stilton bootz, tequila silver fishnetz and a pink corset.

"OMG thx!" I said hugging him in a preppy way. I took da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Glamorous isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da pink wall.

"Oh my fuking fairy!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Glamorous is away. She is too preppy she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge.

"OMFG!111" I shoted neutrally. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came.

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot merrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's pink tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Fairy. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz pink wif tequila-silver shellz in it. It was the shape of a unicorn. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED HAPPILY.

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket.

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn.

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Snooki and Snap were there practicing Barbie Girl by Aqua.

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Fairy?"

"Oh he's cumming." said Serious. "BTW u can kall me Apollo now." Suddenly Fairy came. He was wearing a smexxy pink leather Jackson, pink congres shoes, a Miley Cyrus t-shirt and a pink tie.

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Fairy.

**AN: The original quote was "BTW u can kall me Hades now". I decided to choose another greek god and I picked Apollo who's supposed to be a model of masculine beauty. The thing is, in my Harry Potter sequel the younger version is Sirius is also named Apollo! o.O**


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: This "Fairy" is Tom Rid's alter-ego. Do not confuse with Fairy, Vampire's alter-ego.**

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd goffz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur prppy or not!1111111

Fairy and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a pink car wif shells all over it. On da license plate said 123 just lik Draco's car. I went in it seduktivly. Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Fairyism (lolz he wuz named after Fairy), tekuila, musik and being preppy.

"Oh my fairy, Justin Bieber is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 drink tequila when I herd Baby." I said in a flirty voice. "….Hey Fairy do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?"

"Well…" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Fairy blod."

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a pink movie theater. Fairy and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing Never Say Never. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol. Fairy and I laughed at da tequila koz we're drunkards.

While Fairy was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Fairy's preppy pink Snoop Doggy Dogg cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his pink Eminem bag. Fairy turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Pink cloudz wif red shellz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

"OMG!111" Fairy said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Brittany gess what?"

I new that the amnesia had worked.

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."

"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly. And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Joe Jonas!11 We frenched.

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a goff.

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her drinking all her tequila.

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the goffs in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Fairy and I loked so cute 2gether. Fairy and I started to walk outside.

"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a fairy." I said as we went into the car.

"Siriusly?" he gasped.

"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Fairy started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"

"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Fairy parked in a pink driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched Jonas Brothers for the frist time. We went inside where Justin Bieber wuz playing and started to dance lol.

"My first love broke my heart for the first time, and I was like baby, baby, baby, oohh!1111" screamed Justin on da stage. We did the middle fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Fairy. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his preppy blue eyes and he looked exactly like Kevin Jonas. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Justin Bieber stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant…..XPinkXUnicornX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Snooki, Snap and Apollo were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.

"Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal, seeing everything the time is going!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a shell betwen Miley Cyrus and a gurl version of Justin Timberlake. Everyone clappd. Fairy got an eructation. "Looking forward to the weekend!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?"

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted happily.

"U guys are such goffz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Snooki.

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed excitedly but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Snooki took out hiz shampoo bottle.

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm with da shampoo bottle.

And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bottle!11

"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went pink.

**AN: Everything went pink – LOL! Not to mention a live performance of Friday!**


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39. I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXtequilabottles123XXX.

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "goffs."

I, the American retail wearing british fairy Sue, coughed up tequila.

Fairy kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble preppy Mary Sue."

Fairy sobbed. "I love you Britney."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to pink.

Glittery Katy Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Britney's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became tanned with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single preppy person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Britney. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of orange light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly preppy clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the preppy power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married.

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Britney shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her tanned body, and frowned. 'Where are my cool clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a dark black t-shirt with a huge skull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a ripped miniskirt with the "Marilyn Manson" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with huge skulls at the bottom. And then Britney realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying an awful bag with a vampire on it that said Suck Blood written all over the bag.

Britney supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes goff to the extreme wearing stuff from Hot Topic.

Panicked, Britney hastily tried to take off the skull polo, but underneath it, there was another skull polo underneath. Britney frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the goffik line available at Hot Topic?). Britney tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another shirt to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Britney bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle pink here.

Britney drank tequila and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic.

**AN: I loved imagining Britney in a goffik outfit…Well, I just had to recreate Ebony's clothes, which is no big deal since she constantly remembers me what she's wearing in the goffik version of MI.**


	40. Chapter 40

AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:

AN: stfu goffz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. thx 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da goffz hu flamed FOK U!1 MILEY RULES 123!111

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special preppy wardrobe. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room.

"Oh mi fairy wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.

"Thou hath nut killd Fairy yet!11" he said happily. Sudenly he started 2 drink tequila al selective.

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Glamorous and Serious came! Glitery Katy and Fairy were wif dem. Every1 was holding pink boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.

"OMFG Brittany ur alive!111" Scremed Fairy. I hugged him and Glitery Katy.

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my fairy!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped.

"Brittany u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da shampoo could not kill u since u were form anodder time."

"But thx anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

"OMG I cant beleve Fairy's dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said joyfully. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."

"And he wuz such a fuking nerd 2!11" said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu Britney Spears was until I told him." Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a pink box wif purple 123s (there wuz a dvd of never say never in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed prepz.

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked preppikally.

"No Draco told me he wood be watching 101 Dalmatians." said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"

I got up drunkily. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Glamorous left. I wuz wearing a pink leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy pink leather bra trimed wif pink lace, with a matching thong that said preppy gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a pink fishnet top under a pink Rebecca Black t-shirt, a pink leather mini with pink lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital's wings wif Glitery Katy, Dandelion and Fairy.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Dandelion.

"We can go c 101 Dalmatians wif Draco!1" giggled Fairy.

"Letz go lizzen 2 Justin Timberlake and drink tequila 123!11" said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a pink tshirt wif 123 on da front and baggy jeanz.

"U fucking goff!11" we all yielded angrily.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Fairy angrily as he took out his pink hair dryer.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco merrily as he took his thingie out of Snake's.

"No shit u fuking suk u goffpy bastard!111" said Dandelion trying 2 attak him (u rule girl!1). I ran drunkily to my room I sexily took a physics book out.

"Brittany no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had killed myself wif it suddenly everyfing went pink again.

Sincerely,

An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P

A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41.

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF! I bet u proly odnt no hu justin bieber is ur proly al goffz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by justin bieber lol he hsud play drako. if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 princess u rule gurl hav fun in ingland.

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XPinkXUnicornX!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! On da wall wuz a pik of justin bieber!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s preppy band 2 ok koz he is more old den justin timberlake or britney spears) der wuz also a preppy pink Beatles calander with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and pink cloves. On it said '1980.'

"OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111" I screamed loudly. Suddenly Fairy(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a pink leather Jackson, pink tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11

"OMFG Brittany r u ok." He asked preppikally.

"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. "OMG am I dedd?" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da shampoo from Jame's shampoo bottle. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111

I guessed dat when I had drunk tequila I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.

"No ur not dead." Fairy reassured happily as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. "Ur a fairy so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dad is doing."

I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da shampoo was koz I was from da future. "WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally. I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew.

"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Fairy reasoned innocently.

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Fairy. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi preppy bi guy!11 He had bleched purple hair wiv pink streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing preppy pink iliner, a pink Miley Cyrus shirt (it showed Miley wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), pink congress shoes and pink baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Rebecca Black in the vido for Friday and you cud see a pink tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and preppykally.

"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

"Dis is…Hedwig!11" Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XPinkXUnicornX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he brulee his arm.

"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

"Lol hi Brittany." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Gimme More under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!)

"Bye." I sed all sexily.

"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we brulee up." Fairy said merrily, luking at his pink nails.

"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a pink cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!).

"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum on u guys."

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.

"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with fairy now!1"

"Yah go fuck urself Snooki!" Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Fairy's dad wood never die and "OK Fairy and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.

"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Snooki, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.

"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's.

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame…Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42. da pink parade

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 drink tequila so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 thx 4 da help wiv facts, pumpkin u rule!111

I sat happily in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Fairy, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us excitedly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty MCR song.

"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled merrily. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.

"Whatever u do don't blame Vrtiney, u jerk." Fairy said.

"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Fairy and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly.

"Be quiet you Fairyists." Dumbledore cockled. "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." He changed the song on da ipod 2 a Good Chralotte song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.

"You fucking nerd." I muttoned.

"I bet you've never herd of Justin Bieber." James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11

"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.

"Yeah shut up!" Snake said goffikally.

"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom.

"I've had enough of u Fairyists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was…..Fairy.

"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.

I looked around. I wuz in da Griffindor conmen room wiv Fairy. I was wearing a pink plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy pink Britney corset and pink stiletto boots with pink shells on dem. My earrings were pinke Fairyist sins and my princess hair was all around me to my mid-back.

"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in a squeaky voice.

"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.

"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered.

"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked.

"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" he esked in his sexah voice.

"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly.

"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." He triumphently giggled.

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a pink leather jocket, pink baggy pants and a preppy pink "I Like It Rough" shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.

"Konichiwa, bitch." said Dandelion. She was wearing a pink corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a pink leather miniskirt, big pink boots, orange foundation, pink eyeliner, violet eyeshadow, and pink lipstick.

"Hey, motherfucker." Said Snow White **(AN:****That****'****s ****Ron ****for**** the**** preps ****and ****posers)**with his red hair. He waz wearing a pink "Never Say Never" t-shit and pink baggy pants.

"Hey whose that, Vritney?" Glittery Katy questioned as she walked in wearing a pink t-shit with a red shll on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with pink lace, and pink stolettoes.

"Oh its Fairy." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly Fairy started to cry.

"Are you okay Fairy?" we asked concernedly.

"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked.

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him.

"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 My Moment by Rebecca Black on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Snow White a signal to keep Fairy occupied. Fairy fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Glamorous ran in!1111 She was wearing a preppy pink minidress with happy pink stripes, orange and pink stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of pink iliner.

"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." I asked happily.

"Britney I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a froiry. Snape came back because that girl Ebony freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Trevolry said reassuredly.

"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Ebony because she was a fucking goff.

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?"

"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 drink tequila after he saw u almost drank a whole bottle." she said.

"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. Fairy was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.

"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried.

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me excitedly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of happiness. On da way I saw Ebony laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty black shirt wiv skullz on it, a black ripped skirt from Hot Topic and black stiletoos. She looked jest like a shell of those fucking goffs Amy Lee and a female version of Gerard Way.

"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed.

"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating my pink wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed happily.

"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Enoby screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Fairy Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" I yielded.

We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his preppy blue eyes and spiky pink hair. Around them were pink eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a pink leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Lady Gaga concert shirt and his pink congress shoes. He looked mor like Justin Bieber than ever. (did u hear hiz song baby it rulez!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Fairy.

"I know but Im a fairy lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."

"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.

"Draco? You mean that fukking nerd who betroyed you?" Fair snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY.

"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.

"OK." I argreed. Suddenly….all da lights in da room went out. And den….da Dork Mark appeared.

"Oh my fucking fairy!" Harry shouted.

"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate."

"Ok." Fairy sed diapperating. Excitedly I ran into the Great Hall.

**AN: Whoa, what a long chapta! I mostly liked making Ginny wear a "I Like It Rough" t-shirt...Harry, that's a warning for you out there! Also, making Fairy...(oh, I mean Voldie) listen to Rebecca Black! How I love doing this...too bad it's near the end.  
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	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43.

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Thx 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111

I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person. Draco was there! He sat der in livlly bloom in his pink 123 t-shirt and his baggy pink pants. He had drunk tequila!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Justin Timberlake with his blue eyes and his tanned orange face.

"Draco are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah!" he screamed glitterily. I thought of the Usher song nd I got even more excited koz that song always makes me wanna dance. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked smilefully.

"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us.

"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin.

"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed.

"Pop addelum!111" I yielded happily pointing my wand at them.

"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.

"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of glamour and glitter in my voice. "Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong 2 kiss u!"

"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. Suddenly Fairy1 and Fairy2 ran in2 da room. Fair1 didn't know who Fairy2 was really.

"Oh my fairy, we were so worried about u guys!1" Fairy2 said. I looked sexily at Draco with his preppy blue eyes with contacts, pink t-shirt that said 123 on it and tanned skin like Snooki, Fair1 with his sexy pink hair and blue eyes just like Justin Timberlake and Fairy2 who looked jist like Joe Jonas then.

I selectively took the lollipop from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his orange sex-pack. Then Fairy took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my pink leather bra, my pink lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. "Oh mi fairy! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Fairy and he joined in. "OMF!111" cried Fairy. "Oh Fairy! Fairy!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Fairy!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns painting unicorns on him koz we were all preps. Suddenly…..

….a big pink car that said 123 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11


	44. Chapter 44

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz...Snape!

"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. "Amelle Isabella Rose Britney Timberlake must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"

"You fucking goff!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me excitedly. "I forgot to tell u, Britney. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!"

We all put our clothes on quickly except Fairy. We were so scarred!1 But Fairy didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with white eyes, no nose, a gray robe and orange skin. He had changed into… Voldemont!111

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled happily and merrily at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" Thunder came in da room.

"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Fairy. Suddenly Dandelion, Glittery Katy, Snow White, Goldilocks, Mermaid, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all happily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

"Oh my prep!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im preppy)

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated happily.

"You fucking goffik fags!" Serious shouted angrily.

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Fairy doing it with

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the shell. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Amy Lee." He laughed smilingly.

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11"

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry giggled angrily.

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared.

"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Snow White and Mermaid both took out pink guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco Mermeid's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Mermeid's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"

He maid lighting come all over da place.

"Save us Britney!" Dumblelight **(AN: geddit, instead of Dumbledark)** cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and drink tequila with mi friends while we watched Never Say Never and Cinderella and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

**AN: That's the end, u cul prppy guyz! Thanks for staying with me til the end. And also thanks for all the god revoiws. U rok! As en epilogue, I plan on doing Tara's personality analysis just for you. No, I'm not a psychologist, but I do have an opinion of my own regarding what's fictional and what's not in MI and I'm also gong (geddit) to make a deduction of her character based on the fanfic. **

**Now I'll be logging out sexily. **

**P.S. If you're already done with this parody (which you should be, if you got to this chapter), you should check my MI commentary as well. If u dnot U SUK. Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling rock!22222**


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